What Exactly IS a Parenting Style?

I’m a new mom so you better believe I spend an uncanning amount of hours on the internet every week reading articles friends, family, and well strangers post, and I have come across articles regarding “parenting styles’ more then once. I am always a bit boggled by this as in “what the faq is a parenting style?”

“A parenting style is a psychological construct representing standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. There are many differing theories and opinions on the best ways to rear children, as well as differing levels of time and effort that parents are willing to invest.

One theory of parenting style was developed by Diana Baumrind (1966).^[1] She proposed that parents fall into one of three categories: authoritarian (telling their children exactly what to do), indulgent (allowing their children to do whatever they wish), or authoritative (providing rules and guidance without being overbearing). The theory was later extended to include negligent parents (disregarding the children, and focusing on other interests).” -Wikipedia

What? Really? Does it matter? As long as you don’t fall under the “negligent” stage does it honestly matter? Too each their own of course, but to me to “label” yourself in such a manner really is more of a burden. You kind of get stuck in a rut “well my parenting style is this, but my gut tells me this.” I think what REALLY bothers me about that little blurb is that it talks about eing willing to invest your time. WILLING to invest? As if you can bank your hours to use when your going to miss a hockey game. Invest your time…ugh it is about quality people NOT quantity. I’m sitting with my son right now while I write this and he is playing on his play mat by himself  having, what I am sure is a very compelling conversation with our ceiling fan. Is this quality time? No. I invest my time in many things not just my son. I invest my time in my relationship with my husband, which may be why we are still together 8 almost 9 years. I invest my time in my dogs, my family, my friends, my housework, this blog. I spend QUALITY time with all aspects of my life. I make sure for at least 30 minutes a day my son has my undivided attention (usually at night) and we play, and giggle together, and smile, and my heart bursts with all kinds of gooey feelings for the little dude. However I can’t for my own sanity do that all day. Every other aspect of my life would suffer. So by investing more time with my son I would in fact be a worse mother as I would most likely begin to resent him, not ok. My son is not an object that I can “bank hours with” to catch a wicked promotion, he is a human being who I CHOOSE too spend time with, because I love him not because I want to be mom of the year. Then there is the part about the many different theories and opinions, well obviously. Anyone with half a brain can write a book, share their parenting style, and make you feel like a poo pile for doing something different. That’s all the articles, and studies boil down too, someone had an opinion about the way EVERYONE else should raise their kids, and wrote about it.

My parenting style? The “I do what I want method”

What is this method I speak of? well it consists of whatever I want it to. Whatever my gut and insticts tell me is right. I spend my day caring for my baby boy, I make sure he doesn’t hurt himself and stays alive, balancing mommy snuggles with independent play time, and the most important thing; making him giggle. I realize this whole parenting trend mostly pertains to your discipline style, but again why label it? There are a million different scenarios that may make you waiver from your selected parenting style, and why is that a big deal? Also there are a million ways your child can and WILL turn out as a toddler, child, and teenager, and then adult. Now if your sitting at your computer reading this going well, I will pick and choose how too raise my kid, well my friends you don’t have a parenting style… you are just a parent, don’t be offended that’s a good thing!

I suppose we will follow a more “authoritative” approach (if I MUST label it for the sake of this blog)), letting our son make his own choices and learning from his mistakes. That is how we both were raised. But if he is about to run into a road you better believe I’m going to go all authoritarian  on his ass and tell him to march his butt right inside. And if he chooses to smoke crack like it’s his job at 14 ahhhh yes I’m going to whoop his butt.

My point is, why do we label ourselves? It seems very high-schoolish. Your a jock, your a punk, your emo, your a slut, your  a band geek. I was just me, I can’t really think of one “group” I belonged to I hung out with a lot of different people, the “stoners”, the “cool kids”, the “art freaks”. I was an individual who had MANY interests, and enjoyed being around different people without labeling myself. I listened to heavy metal music, I smoked pot and went to parties with my friends, I was SOOOO into art and loved it, I took gym and enjoyed being active, I had a long term boyfriend (now husband) throughout school, and I loved spending time with my family. I’m sure if I wasn’t musically illiterate I would have been right there in the band playing a trumpet too. But here I sit a grown ass women, being forced into parenting cliques, and labels. Really did we not get enough of this as kids? Why are labels even necessary why can’t we just frigging parent our kids, and mind our own business while cheering on other parents for doing a wicked ass job!

I am a chameleon mama. I adapt how I react to a situation depending on THAT situation. Not because I am an authoritative mom, or an all natural mom, or go with the flow mom. Because I am my son’s mom and I want what is best for him regardless of the way that needs to happen.

I don’t know when labeling parents happened, ’cause I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t label themselves. And if you want to bend over backwards to fit a mold that’s your prerogative and that is fine, but I for one am going to join the “anti-labeled” parents club and do what I want.